Q&A

Q: Why do you hate my class?

A: We don’t hate your class. We do need to tweak your critical ratios. Every other class-specific forum on our board system has approximately forty threads per day. Your class has three. One of them is a video with the title “Lolz @ 3700 crit on rouge.”

Q: Why do you hate my other class?

A: We don’t hate any class. In this case, every time we try to fix your broken stat, a fourth thread appears in your primary class’s forum talking about how much we suck, because ever since the patch “there is just nothing anyone do to manage aggro.” It’s like listening to Paris Hilton complain about paparazzi.

We will find a solution as soon as we can. Ideas are welcome.

Q: Why do you hate my archetype?

A: Okay, look, we don’t hate anyone. I don’t like responding to questions that use the word “hate” at all, really, because the question reminds me of the old saw “have you stopped beating your dog?” Just MENTIONING that I don’t hate anything makes me feel weird, like it’s legitimizing the idiotic question in the first place.

The reason we are making changes to your archetype is because, dude, in case it wasn’t blindingly obvious, it was the last designed, least tested one we did. And a week before launch day some suit wandered downstairs and complained that he couldn’t solo, and the producer panicked. I’m sorry. You have no IDEA how sorry I am, because that particular suit quit before I could finish Operation Tuna Fish In The Ceiling Vent.

Q: Why do you hate crafters?

A: No one hates crafters, for the love of… come on, you’re the subset that will seriously sit all day in the same place pushing a single button. You barely even notice the rest of the game. Your existence almost single-handedly created the economy. The problem is, we make your skills cheap to acquire, you become little fountains of gold. We make your products too weak in response, and you have no reason to exist. (The underlying problem is that all crafting systems have too many moving parts – and nothing is more prone to feature creep than crafting. “Let’s see, armorcrafting, weaponcrafting… and jewelry! And cooking! And fishing up giant chests full of gold! What about whittling? Musical instrument crafting? Interior decorating? Architecture? Embroidery? Animal training? Landscape design? Circle jerk aesthetics?”)

Also, you above all other niche groups are prone to submitting “design documents,” and in ten years I haven’t seen a new one. Either they’re so elaborate that implementation would take as long as the entire GAME took to produce, or they’re such clickfests that I have flashbacks to making metal bits until I was so encumbered I couldn’t move without a level 55 buff, or they’re so simplistic that everyone in the GAME would be a top level crafter and the economy would tank in five minutes, or… yeah.

In other words, the problem is crafting design is that it’s one of those things that everyone thinks they can do, both outside and inside the development team. No matter how godly or experienced the designer is, he has to put up with people who tried crafting for two minutes in another game wandering out of their offices and saying “You should do X.” It only takes one executive with delusions of grandeur to completely goatfuck a crafting design. See above about all the moving parts.

Even if the smart guy puts together a great system, the game will be in release for an hour before the single transposed digit in the two hundred page spreadsheet floods the game with feathered hats worth twenty gold apiece. We hate ourselves and every minute of patching these minor crisis situations.

But lord, we don’t hate YOU.

Q: Why do you hate my playstyle?

A: For crying out loud, we don’t hate your playstyle. Think for a second: Our internal metrics show that people who play like you do make up approximately 20% of the entire playerbase. What do we have to gain by hating you and driving away your money? Nothing!

It’s just that we didn’t design the game for this playstyle, which is why watching you play is like watching someone walk on their hands and type with their feet. However, the industry is old enough now to accept that just because we didn’t DESIGN the game for your style doesn’t mean your money doesn’t spend as well as everyone else’s. We just don’t know what the hell to do about it. The changes you think are so reasonable would completely screw the game for the other 80% of our population.

Q: Why do you hate me personally?

A: We don’t hate you. This fifty page log of all the crap you spew in open chat channels, and the two thousand people who reported you, would suggest that a large number of the people on your server do in fact hate you. But we don’t personally care. We’ve seen worse. Amateur.

Q: Why do you hate my guild?

A: It’s not hate, it’s disgust. Your guild is not breaking any rules, but your spawn hogging, name calling, trashtalking, and general all around asshattery is actively driving away other customers, and there are more of them than there are of you. Although I admit I laughed at the log where you pretended to be Chinese gold farmers, I didn’t think the resulting uproar was all that funny. Don’t you see how much funnier it would have been if you’d posted the whole log, including your guild chat where it’s clear you were only pretending?

But you’re not funny. You don’t grasp irony or subtlety or comedy. Your collective behavior is that of a bunch of playground bullies, and your particular fifteen bucks is no better than anyone else’s. It’s not as good, actually, when one of you makes three of them quit. Whenever one of you posts that you’re going to quit and take the whole guild with you because the CSR suspended you for a whole DAY, I always think to myself, “PLEEEZ don’t throw me into that briar patch.”

Of course, you never do. You post about quitting so damn much that you get all the other little red hens in a tizzy about how “everyone” is quitting, but by god, you’ll outlast them all.

Q: Why do you hate people in Europe?

A: We don’t… why would we hate Europe? That’s just irrational. You play at a time of day when the western hemisphere is not, giving our product around the clock activity. In case you hadn’t noticed, the dollar is tanking over here and we just adore your tasty, tasty subscriptions being paid in one of the good currencies. Your existence gives the producer an excuse to hang out in various European cities. European players have a slightly different set of expectations and attitudes, and so your feedback gives our product a more polished, more global appeal. Your game conventions are less “sterilized over-rehearsed PR-fest,” but more “all night party with like, 40% more boobies.” We LOVE Europe.

But we are still going to patch at 8:00 AM our time. Maybe we’re provincial, maybe we’re assholes, maybe we don’t want to start patching at 4:00 AM when we’re liable to make stupid, possibly server-annihilating mistakes because we’re not really awake yet. Who cares? When you host a worldwide MMO, you can patch at whatever time you want, and listen to us whine about it, how about that?

Q: Why do you hate free speech?

A: Why do I… what? Did you even read the Constitution? Shoo! Shoo!

Q: Why do you hate answering real questions instead of this fluff about crafters and aggro management?

A: Are you high? Do you look around the basement and think that because no one else is there with you, only your questions are real? Is this some kind of existential crisis? Because I don’t want to be involved if it is.

Q: Why do you hate women?

A: What?

Q: Just kidding.

A: Moron.

Q: Why do you hate morons?

A:

Advertisements

56 Comments

  1. Kendricke said,

    January 11, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    Classic.

  2. January 11, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    […] We Gots Questions Posted in 3570 by Scott Jennings on January 11th, 2008 Sanya is enjoying punditry too much. Q: Why do you hate my […]

  3. mystery said,

    January 11, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Have I mentioned recently that I love you?

    Don’t tell my wife.

  4. Freakazoid said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    A: We don’t hate your class. We do need to tweak your critical ratios. Every other class-specific forum on our board system has approximately forty threads per day. Your class has three.

    Let’s take it up a notch.

    What makes you decide that the overpowered classes needs a nerf, and not the underpowered classes needs a buff?

  5. Scott Jennings said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    What makes you decide that the overpowered classes needs a nerf, and not the underpowered classes needs a buff?

    It’s because we’re filled with festering hatred. Also, we’re stupid and don’t know any better and everyone on the given message board can do our jobs better. Plus, we don’t play the game. Plus, we all play, but on one specific class/side.

    No, actually, it’s mostly just the hatred.

  6. RichVR said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    Hmmm. Could the answer “to why do you hate my playstyle” also be the answer to “why do you hate PVP”? Or would the 20% figure be too high then? 🙂

  7. Drakks said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    Not to side-step the hilarity, but:

    What makes you decide that the overpowered classes needs a nerf, and not the underpowered classes needs a buff?

    SRSLY.

    As someone who is kind of privy to the cycle of software developement and changes, MMO changes seem so haphzard and unfounded at times — what gets done many times doesn’t appear to make much sense or follow any pattern. Now, granted.. time, resources, desire to communicate with the unwashed masses, general inability to please everyone all factors in — but when class changes are made, if this can even be answered as a “general” rule of thumb type answer, what is used to determine the fix being to reduce the power of one class v. increase the power of another?

    Also, why do you hate rogues? (<– THIS IS A JOKE. PLEASE DO NOT SHOW UP AT MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE AND HEADBUTT MY DOG IN RETALIATION)

  8. Ibn said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen one post score a crit on an entire subculture before. WIN.

  9. Damion S said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    What makes you decide that the overpowered classes needs a nerf, and not the underpowered classes needs a buff?

    Because if the system is mostly stable, you are much less likely to screw everything all up by knocking down one or two lumps in the carpet, rather than raise the entire foundation of the house to meet the tops of the lumps.

  10. Scott Jennings said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    No no, “why do you hate my rouge”. It’s a little known fact that game developers actively hate makeup. It’s ICKY.

    As for what is used to determine fixes/nerfs/improvements, smart designers use metrics gathered in-game, metrics supplied from the community team on internal/external reaction, spreadsheets showing raw power comparisons in different situations for each potential class/build, and then they do what the producer tells them to do.

  11. Drakks said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    So, if I read between the lines, the real problem is that producers hate rogues like some secret illuminati dedicated solely to crushing the very souls of the meek, well mannered, even-tempered, and grammatically-accurate-to-a-fault players of this class?

    I never knew.. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

  12. Fear of BV said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    Why do you hate precasting?

    Kidding…

    Funny stuff there. =)

  13. John P said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    “Circle jerk aesthetics”

    Sanya, you rock. Thanks for the laugh today…

  14. Redhenna said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    “What makes you decide that the overpowered classes needs a nerf, and not the underpowered classes needs a buff?”

    If you do it that way, the class that did not get a buff would still throw a hissy about how they are being nerfed by neglect. SInce they are going to throw a fit either way, may as well just do it the easy way.

  15. tannenburg said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    I’d give anything to see this in a game’s forum:

    “Yes, we DO hate you, Timmy Johnson, of 123 Main Street, phone number (202) 555-1212, character names LewtHawg and Greeefer. Don’t try to leave your house; we’ll come and get you soon enough. See that black van outside? Six of us are sitting in it waiting for your parents to leave so we can come in and beat you with lead pipes. Our hate for you is so strong, Timmy Johnson, that it will outlast the heat death of the Universe and time itself.”

  16. Taymar said,

    January 11, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Hysterical! I was laughing already and then I hit the crafters section. Classic.

    Why do you hate Europe?

    I wish the Europe-hating would continue, rather than the current ghetto-ising onto separate forums/servers/helpdesks/etc. *waves at Turbine*

  17. =j said,

    January 11, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    rule #0 of csr:

    Any player that threatens to quit in (a) a public forum, (b) open chat, or (c) to any CSR personel, will not quit in the next 2-3 billing cycles. By threatening to quit, they have invested themselves in the game making them less likely to quit.

    The people that quit games…. just quit. If you are lucky, you get something more elaborate than “Why do you hate Circle Jerk Crafting?” in the feedback form.

  18. Moorgard said,

    January 11, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    You forgot Australians. We really hate Australians, because we refuse to let our games be marketed there and screw them even harder on server restarts than Europeans.

  19. Servitor said,

    January 11, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    @=j:

    Oh wow, that is so true. And sometimes they’ll even purchase a new account so that they can sockpuppet while appearing to have quit the game.

  20. Nero said,

    January 11, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    I don’t see hate. I see endless mountains of well earned bitterness. Funny stuff though. I will buy the first game to come out with cja as a trade skill choice.

  21. IanB said,

    January 11, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    I’d actually like to see a real attempt at answering “Why do you hate women?”

    Certainly when you look at some of the armor in WoW, the question has to come to mind.

  22. Rawrasaur said,

    January 11, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    Wow. I am shocked at just how much truth you rolled into that post.

    Bravo.

    –Rawr

  23. dartwick said,

    January 11, 2008 at 8:05 pm

    NICE 🙂

  24. heartless_ said,

    January 11, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    /em waits for the DAoC player that doesn’t realize Sanya is no longer employed at Mythic to mistake this for a grab bag, quickly realizing that it is not April 1st, and doing a WTF out loud in the middle of class.

  25. Solok said,

    January 11, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    Nice post Sanya, good laugh at work.

  26. Aya said,

    January 11, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    I want a policy to banprotect all accounts that post that they’re quitting in the forums against any further logins, because their intentions are clear, and because this game is obviously going to hell and is NOT the game they started playing two years ago.

  27. Tovin said,

    January 11, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    LOL! It’s like 13 years of online gaming summed up into 5 minutes. Awesome.

  28. Cillasi said,

    January 12, 2008 at 12:19 am

    Hmmm…shades of Tweety, methinks. Who rattled your cage, Sandra? Very good post…I’m stifling my laughter at work – and not too successfully.

  29. Merlyn said,

    January 12, 2008 at 12:32 am

    After almost 10 years in MMO’s (as a player and tester thankfully) plus 10+ years in Cust Svc (tech support mostly) I have to just laugh.

    I’ve seen every one of those whines in various forms across various games, and I just can’t imagine how you manage to work in this industry w/o developing a love for firearms and wood chippers…

    Seriously…how do you survive w/o becoming depressed with the state of humanity? I know I leave the forums trying to decide if I should laugh or cry.

  30. VPellen said,

    January 12, 2008 at 12:40 am

    Crap, I have to go design a crafting system now.

  31. Rawrasaur said,

    January 12, 2008 at 2:02 am

    Merlyn: Forgive these people, for they know not what they do. Take a step back, relax, and just *believe* that they don’t really know any better. It’s like kindergarten… these people just really, really care about the game, and don’t know how to express it properly so the best they can do is throw paper clips and pine cones at you.

  32. Troy said,

    January 12, 2008 at 2:15 am

    Hahaha! Hah! Hahahahaha.

    Ahem.

    “We’ve seen worse. Amateur.”

    HAHAHA!

  33. Ant ButterNut said,

    January 12, 2008 at 2:51 am

    Well done.

    And I’m (still) sorry I said you were blond.

    But I stand on my statement, that the first thing Georgia does in each new MMO, is make a macro for “HIC!”

  34. Apache said,

    January 12, 2008 at 3:01 am

    best grab bag evar

  35. Arrakiv said,

    January 12, 2008 at 6:50 am

    It’s like the giant list of answers that I’ve always wanted to see actually used, instead of thought about and prayed they could be used.

    As always, great post.

  36. MouseJunior said,

    January 12, 2008 at 8:33 am

    *giggle* *snort* *bwahahaha*

    So true.

  37. Massively said,

    January 12, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    Don’t hate the class, hate the playas

    Sanya Weathers (aka “Tweety”), who is the absolute bombdiggity when it comes to dishing out insightful, acerbic, honest and intelligent commentary on the MMO industry via her blog, Eating Bees. Her rant on why players quit playing games was aimed dir…

  38. DragonPup said,

    January 13, 2008 at 4:45 am

    Why do you hate me for thinking that you hate me?

  39. Timmy Johnson said,

    January 13, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    I knew it!!!

  40. January 14, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    Hm. This’ll be another way Eve Online differs, I guess, a lot of older players who have threatened to quit over changes…have quit. With explicit and detailed reference on the forums to the changes which made them quit.

    Heck, eventually even I did (“heat management” UI bloat).

  41. Alan Au said,

    January 14, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    “Q: Why do you hate morons?”

    A: Actually, we don’t; it wouldn’t make financial sense to alienate such a large portion of our playerbase.

  42. Drey said,

    January 14, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    ❤ Sanya.

  43. Calaruis said,

    January 14, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    “Why do you hate people who post comments?”

    (yes, another just kidding)

  44. Micah S. said,

    January 15, 2008 at 12:41 am

    “Lolz @ 3700 crit on rouge.” has become an instant classic amongst everyone I know.

  45. frmad said,

    January 15, 2008 at 8:45 am

    This post is very hot, it is high ranked at our site (daily weblog, weblog post ranking site). See http://blogrank.info/indirect-page-to-blog-report/ for more infomation

  46. mythago said,

    January 17, 2008 at 12:54 am

    Yeah, but you USED to hate my class! And you’re never going to convince anyone different who ever played an archer in DAoC. 😉

  47. John said,

    January 17, 2008 at 4:45 am

    “Why do you hate….”
    “Why do you hate….”
    “Why do you hate….”
    “Why do you hate….”
    “Why do you hate….”

    LOL

    Very funny.

    It is so unfortunate that so many companies do not really know what a duck is.

    If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, lays duck eggs, has duck feathers and flies south for the winter…IT’S A BLOODY DUCK!

    Companies can “say” that they are totally fair but if their actions show that they aren’t…they can profess fairness till cows fly….but cows do not have wings and only somewhat fly when thrown from a good sized catapult.

    Oh, everyone always has loads of reasons for not being fair. They can always justify what ever that they do so in the end they “feel” totally fair…because they had no choice but to do what they did…

    Those who routinely show disdain or contempt for customers rarely think that they have been rude. They usually fail to understand why the customers are angry.

    Companies that forgo class balance in order to pander to players dark side by introducing OP classes with Xpacs in a silly attempt to increase sales…well…the company should understand why the customers think the company hates them.

    When a class has a huge problem with pet pathing issues and when the customers complains that there are extensive problems (problems that are blindingly obvious to any that actually play the class) and the company respond as if they are puzzled (as if those in the company are unaware that any such problem exists) well the company should not be surprised that it appears to the customer as if no one in the company even plays the class having problems. The company should not be surprised that the customer feels hated.

    When the customer asks for something like player controlled horses and the company responds that it can’t be coded….yet the customers watch horses in the game, players are shape changed in the game, the visual of players on a horse exist in the game…the company should not be surprise when the players are skeptical with the companies response and feel lied to.

    When a company structures housing prices so that players are encouraged to create dummy guilds in order to purchase many lower priced homes because it is cheaper to own 4 lower priced cottages instead of owning one upgraded house…the company should not be surprised when the customer feels hated (especially when a fix only requires restructuring house prices).

    When players, in large numbers, are enjoying siege in a battle ground (Leirvik) and the map to the battle ground is changed to virtually eliminate siege and the map change kills the battle ground…..the company should not be surprised when customers feel that the company hates a specific play style. Especially when the map is not changed back after the company watches the BG die.

    When almost all the responses to TL reports are flippant and insulting…the company should not be surprised when the customers feel hated.

    When the customers are told that the company employees have so little interest in the Team Lead reports that the employees have to be forced to read it (or the employees have to be forced into listening to someone else read the report to them)…the company should not be surprised that the customer feels hated.

    More could be listed but I do not want to write a book….

    If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, lays duck eggs, has duck feathers and flies south for the winter…IT’S A BLOODY DUCK!

  48. Phaltran said,

    January 18, 2008 at 11:15 pm

    It’s funny because it’s true.

    I’ve been playing with all of those whiners for over 10 years now. Must be one of the reasons I gave up on community forums.

  49. January 21, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    John – Try “when a company will not fix a common and overloud sound in their interface which makes the majority of their customers disable game sound despite YEARS of begging….” (And they ban people who drop their own sound in for hacking…)

  50. kfsone said,

    January 22, 2008 at 11:25 am

    If you were really sorry that things weren’t quite right, you would be spending less time in the forums and on blogs telling people whats up and more time fixing the issues. Your paying customers wouldn’t have to put up with post after post knocking their suggestions and trampling their ideas, they would be seeing readmes with “rogues should now be working as rogues expect them to and warriors, wizards and crafters etc will love them too”.

    Sigh.

    In my experience, the bulk of the “hate calling” around MMO cliques originates from older, embittered gamers from earlier gaming generations who have brought their perceptions and attitudes from their previous experiences and infected their particular communities with this a sort of new redefinition of the word hate:: “hate (verb): to treat differently than one had hoped for”.

    C.f.: The IRS hates my tax return.

  51. January 22, 2008 at 11:26 am

    […] Sanya bias! Posted on January 22, 2008 by kfsone http://eatingbees.brokentoys.org/2008/01/11/qa-2/#comment-3638 […]

  52. January 22, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    trackback!

  53. Tikibeast said,

    January 23, 2008 at 9:08 am

    I laughed, I cried, I ordered a pizza and read it again…

    P.S. I think I know that guy and I do hate him and his entire guild of grade school idiots.

  54. Bishop said,

    January 25, 2008 at 12:33 am

    Great read; one of your better pieces. And one I am likely to be linking early and often when the whiners come out of the woodwork.

  55. Katrina said,

    January 30, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    “This fifty page log of all the crap you spew in open chat channels, and the two thousand people who reported you, would suggest that a large number of the people on your server do in fact hate you. But we don’t personally care. We’ve seen worse. Amateur.”

    Ahahaha. Thanks for triggering a CSR flashback moment.

    Hi, by the way. I’m not sure how I wandered over here, but I’m glad I did.

  56. Yeebo said,

    January 30, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    Thoroughly entertaining. Even as someone that has watched devs ties the pooch down and sodomize it in a couple of MMOs, I have to agree right on target 🙂

    I wonder what an MMO that was developed by a committee of message board whiners would play like? I think they could call it “Crap that makes no sense and isn’t as much fun as jamming your ‘nads into a fire: the MMO”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: