Eight Tips To Save Your Marriage To A Gamer

Hell, I could do better typing one handed than this stupidity. Hey, that’s an idea for a blog post! (Please note – I think… okay, I hope… the writer was trying to be funny. The intro to the piece gave the impression that he was trying to offer serious advice, and certainly that’s the way it was taken by a few people who should have known better.)

1. Don’t be a condescending hose beast. All hobbies are, at their most reductive level, an idiotic waste of time. Very few people have a hobby that will make money, cure cancer, house orphan tree rats, or anything besides pass the time in a pleasant manner for the hobbyist. Before you talk about “gaaaming” in a tone normally reserved for “licking tooooilets,” ask yourself if your hobby is feeding starving children.

2. Pick your battles, and be specific. Your problem isn’t really with gaming, or the game. Maybe you’re pissed at how much time each session takes. Maybe you walked into the room naked and slathered with maple syrup and your mate didn’t notice. Perhaps you want your own four hour block of time to waste as you see fit. Could be your partner thinks “child care” can be done while logged into the game and you disagree. That’s all fine. Articulate your real problem instead of launching a wide ranging diatribe.

3. Ask questions. The games that have the highest spouse aggro usually can’t be quit on a moment’s notice, no matter what brand of maple syrup you used. Before you try dressing up in condiments, ask your mate to explain a few rudiments of the game. How horrible would it be to care about the hobbies of someone you supposedly love? At least learn enough to appreciate little bon mots such as “spouse aggro.”

4. Consider the idea that the problem is you. If you’re the kind of nagging, overbearing, condescending offspring of a whore and a syphilitic donkey that drives a person into a virtual world for entire weeks just to get away from you, screaming will not help and threats of divorce will be welcomed. The kind of trogdolyte that dives into a game rather than admitting you’re hateful is not likely to admit it without extensive therapy, sadly, so this diagnosis is up to you and your therapist.

5. Don’t cut the power. Or anything else that childish. When the power goes out, I grab the one old fashioned wall phone I still own (for just this situation) and I call the power company. If you’re going to try and be clever, make sure your clever plan isn’t foiled by a single phone call. Or plugging the router back in.

6. Do not bring food to the computer. I’m serious. This is my best piece of advice. You cannot have the “honey, I need you to stay off the computer on the weekends” conversation unless you have eye contact with the target. Your mate has to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom. Mealtime is your best opportunity. If you bring your little addict a plate full of food cut up into small pieces so he can eat one handed, your pleas to log off sound like so much “wah wah wah.”

7. Don’t make threats, and don’t whine. If your mate doesn’t stay off the computer on Sunday, or whatever it is you two agreed to do over dinner, what will you do? Decide. And do it.

8. Do not dress up as an elf. Ever. This is just a personal bias of mine. Okay, everyone who has hung out with me in person knows this story, but for the rest of you: Years ago I developed the Pointy Eared Whore Theory. Over a lifetime attending cons and other events featuring people dressing up as characters from fantasy and science fiction, I noticed a disturbing trend. The ones with really good, high quality pointed ear prothestics (elves, Vulcans, doesn’t matter) are total whores. Seriously. Go into the handicapped stall in a restroom at one of these events, and I promise you that you will find something sordid, and someone in pointy ears will be in the middle of it doing something for which governors pay 4300 bucks, and college students do for a box of wine. I remember a ladies’ room at a fan faire in which the stall door swung open, and out slunk a dude in a kilt, followed a moment later by an equally chagrined female in caster robes… followed by a satisfied-looking female in leather armor and pointy ears. Ten years earlier I’d seen a similar scene involving a Klingon, a human Star Fleet officer, and a Vulcan.

As a side note, the people who buy cheap elf ears don’t seem to put out as often, so don’t just proposition random people with the ears.

As another side note, I think that if the males outnumber the females in a Comicon three way, they should use the handicapped stall in the men’s room. I suppose that’s a different rant, though.

Advertisements

44 Comments

  1. savagex said,

    March 18, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    Good Advice and fine chuckles all the way through.

  2. Solok said,

    March 18, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    blah, blah, blah – focus on women with high quality elf ears – got it, thanks 😉

    If I’m ever single again I’ll remember that. Hmm, but please tell – are these hot women or, umm, not so much?

  3. March 18, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    (Maple syrup? My god, that’s even more warped than my green jello fetish)
    (But it does explain why your clothes always appeared so well tailored)

    (All those wasted hours wandering the convention halls. And now I discover that all I needed was some good… elf-ears. I never knew it was so simple. *sigh* Well, next time I will be better prepared.)

    Gamers always seem to bear the stigmata of being escapists since their hobby uses conceptions of fantasy-based worlds, and they may practice their hobby frequently and for long periods of time.

    But no less frequently than others who watch television or shop. And not longer than people who go fishing, boating, bicycling, bar-hopping, sight seeing, or attend sporting events like baseball and basketball.

    The primary attractions of Gaming as a hobby are their cost and mental involvement.

    A Gamer who maintains a high-end computer and shells out $50 per week for a new game is going to spend far less money than if they went fishing. (The expended $5 lures, line, sinkers, live-bait, gas for the boat, and beer can wind up costing you more than if you purchased every 4 star game that hit the shelves)

    Also the cost-to-time ratio is less than going out for a movie or dinner.

    And the mental involvement is far more than watching a sporting event like… basketball. The ball goes to the left. The ball goes to the right. The ball goes in the hoop. The ball missed the hoop. (Nurse Ratched, I’m ready for my lobotomy now)

    Gaming is distinctive from most other hobbies in that it requires ACTIVE mental participation. All other hobbies seem to either require passive involvement (like reading or TV), or physical involvement (like sports or sex). (Of course… GOOD sex is an exception, requiring mental participation, proper lubrication…and lots of batteries!)

    Personally, I BRISTLE when others relate my Gaming to Escapism. My 2nd wife (the college english professor) spent hundreds of hours passively immersed in turn of the century romance novels, occasionally emerging to demand I turn down the sound of my ‘escapist’ games.

    At least Gamers USE their brains! In most hobbies it appears the primary goal is to turn OFF the brain… Watch the fish jump. Watch the ball go in the hoop. Pedal the bike. Stand on the Clinton side at the caucus.

    In fact, almost no other ‘hobby’ is as mentally challenging! (With the notable exception of Georgia’s balancing a shot of Jagermeister in one hand while the other debugs C+ code).

    In summary…. elf ears. Wow. I had no idea.

    Where does a person purchase high quality elf ears, anyhow?

  4. Retina said,

    March 18, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    I think I just took the easy route: I married a gamer.

  5. Tim said,

    March 18, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Way to articulate my exact thoughts at reading the (original) article…

  6. lilibat said,

    March 18, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    I circumvented these problems by marrying a gamer, but I do know people who could use such advice. It’s really awkward when female friends complain to you about their gamer boyfriends and you side with the boyfriend so this comes in rather handy.

    Oh and what of you have cheap elf ears, but you do a good job of applying makeup on and around them so they look like expensive ones? I mean, that’s kind of a grey area I guess.

  7. Zappa said,

    March 18, 2008 at 7:09 pm

    I will have to remember the elf ears at the next convention.

  8. March 18, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    Cheap ears… with Good Makeup.

    lilibat> “what of you have cheap elf ears, but you do a good job of applying makeup on and around them so they look like expensive ones?”

    I guess that’s like a $40 whore in a $400 dress.

    This is not a new issue, or only subect to Gamers.

    Before the personal computer, there were always articles about how wives could interact with their husbands watching football all the time.

    Before football it was about men spending all their time at work, or off at the Crusades, or hunting the Mammoths.

    What its all about is spending common time together. You either have common interests and hobbies, or you don’t. A good, stable relationship, is based on common interests. So, sadly, a gamer ‘widow’ needs to either embrace gaming herself, or the gamer needs to embrace some of their spouses hobbies… or at least be a part of it.

    When my father took up riding motorcycles in Enduros (timed long range cross country racing), my mother ran between pit stops to hand him sandwiches and fill his gas tank.

    When my mother took up photography, my father carried her camera bags and rigged lighting.

    They had a great life together, without having to embrace the other’s hobbies.

    I guess that’s the key word… Together.

    Anyone got any good pictures of Sanya With Elf Ears?

  9. DJ Larkin said,

    March 18, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    Whatever, you know you want them.

  10. Alacrity Fitzhugh said,

    March 18, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    heheh you said hose beast…

  11. March 19, 2008 at 12:01 am

    […] Eight Tips To Save Your Marriage To A Gamer Hell, I could do better typing one handed than this stupidity. Hey, that’s an idea for a blog post! (Please note […] […]

  12. DrewC said,

    March 19, 2008 at 12:05 am

    Ant ButterNut brought up my personal gaming crusade, so I feel I must speak my piece:

    In order for a hobby, any hobby, to be mainstream it must be something that has at least some appeal to both sexes. It has to be something couples can do together. The biggest problem with ‘gaming’ as a hobby is vast number of games that are either: designed to be played entirely by one’s self, or primarily of interest to a very narrow demographic (14-34 year old males, I’m looking at you, and you need a shave, badly).

    My brother-in-law is a HUGE sports fan. All types, all sorts, he loves him some sports. My sister like sports too, and while she’s not as big a fan as he is, she’s enough of a fan that they can watch a game together and enjoy it. They can go to a sports bar and have a good time, together. They can have a conversation about sports together and it’s not simply him lecturing her on the ins and outs of NFL salary caps.

    The key word here is together.

    This is one of the reasons why WoW is a world shattering success in the MMO industry, it’s appealing enough to women that couples can play together. All of the longest running WoW players I know are couples who play together. The people I know who quit WoW and never come back have significant others who don’t play.

    Yes, every relationship needs some ‘alone time’, but when you’re spending 20+ hours a week on a hobby, it can’t be alone time. It has to be something that both parties can participate in to at least some degree.

    I think this applies most strikingly to MMO games, as the time investment in them is usually quite high, but I think the same thing is fundamentally true of all games. I haven’t played a console game by myself in years, but I love playing them at a party with friends.

    Let me tell you something: as a single 27 year old male, if there aren’t single 25-30 year old women at a party, I have other things to do with my time. I know one woman in that age range who likes playing Halo. I know about a dozen that like playing Guitar Hero. I have yet to meet the person (male, female, or other) who doesn’t think Wii sports is fun for 15 minutes.

    I don’t think that you need to create a game that is specifically targeted at women (though it’s a good idea), I just think that you need to make games that are palatable enough to women that they can enjoy them with their spouse. I’m not completely sure how to do this, but I’ve determined that Space Marines are not the answer.

  13. Lady said,

    March 19, 2008 at 12:19 am

    It’s always good if both parties play video games. Personally, I’m the one that plays more, but I can easily convince my husband to play with me whenever he isn’t busy.

  14. hobgadlng said,

    March 19, 2008 at 4:31 am

    Stumbled this for pure win!

  15. VPellen said,

    March 19, 2008 at 5:44 am

    Elf ears! Of course!

    It all makes sense now.

  16. Dan Gray said,

    March 19, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    “I remember a ladies’ room at a fan faire in which the stall door swung open, and out slunk a dude in a kilt, followed a moment later by an equally chagrined female in caster robes… followed by a satisfied-looking female in leather armor and pointy ears.”

    ….Was he also wearing a red t-shirt sporting the slogan ‘My other mount is EPIC’..?

    *cough*

  17. Saraphina said,

    March 19, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    1. Elf ears of the highest quality: Aradani Studios.

    2. Awesome. Much like the poster above, I am marrying a gamer too. We have certain understandings about who plays what and when. And we make time to game TOGETHER.
    Loved this post!

  18. Ruby said,

    March 19, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    I think the reason spouses have special difficulty with gaming is that it isn’t justified as a *real* hobby in their heads–just a pointless waste of time for “kids”.

  19. Micah S. said,

    March 19, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    ‘…but I’ve determined that Space Marines are not the answer.’

    You’re right, my wife likes Necrons 🙂

  20. pharniel said,

    March 19, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    man…elf ears.

    why coudln’t you hae posted this like 10 years ago?!?!? WHYYY!

    but hey, i have freinds and they need this advice…

  21. Calaruis said,

    March 19, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    My wife introduced me to Diablo II shortly after we met, and we’ve been gaming together since.

  22. Aoladari said,

    March 21, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Luckily Hubby and I met at an EQ convention.

    Yes I was dressed up for Day 2, but no I didn’t have pointy ears. I did however, narrowly dodge getting pulled into the handicapped stall with a VERY drunk woman in a Zena outfit who did her damndest to french me on the way in.

    I had to slide out from under her arm and cling to my newfound friend of 24 hours (now hubby) like he was a lifeline. I then found a different bathroom to use.

    So I have had my own expiereince with dodging Con-Whores, but certainly not as fun as walking in on he “exit-stage left!”

  23. Cedia said,

    March 21, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    Or you could just marry another gamer. Of course that opens up all kinds of other problems like who is going to throw food in the microwave or who is going to empty the clean clothes out of the laundry basket so that the other person can wash more clothes.

    The hardest part for us happened recently, when I decided I was done with WoW and he can’t stand CoH. So, by way of analogy on the phone with my mother, I came up with a solution. So if a couple’s hobby is bowling, and one day the husband decides he doesn’t like bowling anymore and wants to play baseball, they both have to both bowl and play baseball.

    But obviously I’m the kind of female who doesn’t like the whole “he has his thing and I have mine” kind of relationship.

  24. Kitashla said,

    March 21, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    This made me giggle. Especially since even though I am a gamer, I’ve still got to have the “talk” with him when he gets too engrossed.

    “Dude, you’re getting obsessed again.” Usually effective. Haven’t had real problems since EQ.

  25. March 22, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    […] On the other side of the coin is Yahoo’s vaguely tongue-in-cheek look at Seven Ways to Win Back Your Gaming Spouse for those neglected non-gamers (hey, find a game!). I was a bit disappointed by the piece but that was quickly superseded by my enjoyment of Sanya’s excellent rebuttal, Eight Tips to Save Your Marriage to a Gamer. […]

  26. Parizad said,

    March 24, 2008 at 4:13 am

    See? THAT’s why I have an infinite sac of balls for you.

    <3!!

  27. =j said,

    March 28, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    The rules:

    1. Does it make money? It is a career.
    2. Does it help strangers? It is a vocation.
    3. Else. Hobby.

  28. Phaltran said,

    April 1, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    I’ve had (male) friends who game and marry non-gamers. Eventually they disappeared from the gaming scene all together which is not a bad thing. Being forced to the choice, I’d choose marriage over gaming, too. I’ve also had a few friends who married non-gamers and *converted* their non-gaming wives into gamers. A couple that games together stays together and works well together.

    My wife and I have gamed together off and on our entire marriage (14 years now). I introduced her to Civilization, she introduced me to Alpha Centauri. We both played Diablo and Diablo 2 extensively. I started UO in 1997 and tried to get her involved three separate times. PKs, boredom and lack of interest drove her away. UO caused some major fights, but I offered to give it up several times and she kept saying “No, that’s your hobby.” I did finally learn some moderation and became a better husband. I think she appreciated my gaming as relaxation time because if I wasn’t gaming, I wanted sex. Hey, I just want to have fun no matter what I’m doing. 🙂

    Then WoW came out and our whole world changed. Not only did she join me in Azeroth, but she surpassed me in many ways: more high level characters, more money and a better memory for most of the quests. Raiding is the only section where I surpass her. Even our girls play, so WoW definitely can be a family event. We see it as a replacement for the TV or movies.

    Anything that causes separation in a couple should be examined and questioned. Anything that brings a couple together is a good thing unless of course as a couple they allow it to become detrimental.
    Communication, understanding and acceptance are the basic fundamentals that keep a relationship healthy regardless of the circumstances.

  29. Brian said,

    April 4, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    #3 describes pretty closely why I am now divorced. She chooses the middle of a 25 man raid to show up in lingerie. But the 10 minutes it took for them to get someone from the waiting list to fill my spot after I said “Hey guys, my wife is standing here in next to nothing. I need a replacement.” was not an adequate solution to her.

  30. John Moore said,

    April 4, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    “#3 describes pretty closely why I am now divorced. She chooses the middle of a 25 man raid to show up in lingerie. But the 10 minutes it took for them to get someone from the waiting list to fill my spot after I said “Hey guys, my wife is standing here in next to nothing. I need a replacement.” was not an adequate solution to her.”

    I’m sorry, but if this is true, you are an idiot. If a woman takes the time to dress up in lingerie, never say “Just give me a few minutes”. She’s telling you “Pay attention to me”. What did you think she was saying, “When you get a chance, come give me some.”

    Unless the game is more imporatant to you than the woman. Then stick with the raid.

  31. Sky_Paladin said,

    April 8, 2008 at 12:31 am

    “I’m sorry, but if this is true, you are an idiot. If a woman takes the time to dress up in lingerie, never say “Just give me a few minutes”. She’s telling you “Pay attention to me”. What did you think she was saying, “When you get a chance, come give me some.”

    I have to disagree with this attitude.

    Do you have partners who play sport? Have after-hours meetings? Volunteer to help the community? All of these things are positions where other people are relying on your partner to be there. Suddenly disappearing or not showing up at all hurts your partners credibility and the trust of others in them.

    It’s not a question of ‘is my partner more important than the game’? It’s a question of ‘How do I politely excuse myself from a pre-planned group event for my partners unplanned needs?’ If this kind of clash occurs often, then the couple need to negotiate their times, set boundaries, and respect those limits.

    I treat the groups in game as though they are real people – because they are. I would never call my partner while she was at a party or work function or in a team sport and demand she came home and spend time with me at once. If I have a problem with her not spending enough time with me, then I should negotiate with her about it – not make demands.

    Shouldn’t it be the same with WoW?

  32. mythago said,

    April 8, 2008 at 3:31 am

    Not knowing the context (or whether it actually happened as opposed to Brian just trollin’), a lot of things could be going on. The woman might have been desperately trying to get higher than “complete suit of epic armor” on Brian’s priority list for weeks, and the no-reaction to the lingerie was the last straw. She may have been seriously anti-gaming and was angrily trying to test him. One or both of them may have done a piss-poor job of communicating: she thought he preferred virtual night elves to her, and didn’t understand that his issue was “I can’t leave several people in the lurch at a moment’s notice.”

    (Though frankly, unless it becomes a habit, “my wife just walked into the room in lingerie” should be a no-hard-feelings-dude excuse for logging out IMMEDIATELY. Fercrissakes.)

    By the way, marriage to another gamer is not necessarily the magic solution y’all expect. There are all kinds of other issues; who gets to use the ‘best’ computer, who is taking care of real life, do you really just happen to have gotten into a group for an 8-hour raid just when your mother dropped by to visit, why did you level your character so far past me that we can’t group anymore, and who is that guildie who is sending you an awful lot of /tells that you refuse to discuss with me?

  33. Brian said,

    April 8, 2008 at 2:25 pm

    “I’m sorry, but if this is true, you are an idiot. If a woman takes the time to dress up in lingerie, never say “Just give me a few minutes”. She’s telling you “Pay attention to me”. What did you think she was saying, “When you get a chance, come give me some.”

    Unless the game is more imporatant to you than the woman. Then stick with the raid.”

    If I had just been doing some random thing with a few friends, her showing up would have been immediately followed by “guys, my wife is half naked. I’ll see you later.” followed by Alt+F4 to get out of the game as fast as humanly possible. But she never did things like that when she knew I could stop easily. She only did things like that when she knew I’d be screwing over 24-39 other people.

    It was a power ploy, and she pulled the same stuff even after I quit gaming. Sky_Paladin pretty much nailed the situation on the head. I made attempts to help her understand enough about the game to understand why I couldn’t respond in an instant while raiding, but I generally could any other time. Hell, I only raided about 6 hours a week. But she had no interest in understanding even that much. She just decided that, once we were actually married, I was supposed to be at her beck and call.

    The amount of time I spent gaming was not healthy, which is why I finally stopped. But her attitude on how to deal with it wasn’t terribly healthy either.

  34. mythago said,

    April 8, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Sounds like you guys would have had the same problem no matter what occupied your “not-her” time. Again, not commenting specifically on your situation because I don’t know you, I have seen couples where this turns into an ugly cycle–one person feels ignored and starts demanding attention in an unhealthy way, the other person accuses them of being controlling and retreats further into their hobby, etc. Sometimes one person has power issues and it’s You Must Pay Attention To Me. Sometimes the other person thinks of their spouse as a convenient item that should go away and do laundry when its presence is not actually needed for sex or something. But it can help to figure out what’s really going on instead of assuming “s/he’s a controlling hosebeast” or “s/he would rather kill imaginary orcs than spend time with me.”

  35. Phaltran said,

    April 9, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    Mythago said:
    “By the way, marriage to another gamer is not necessarily the magic solution y’all expect. There are all kinds of other issues; who gets to use the ‘best’ computer, who is taking care of real life, do you really just happen to have gotten into a group for an 8-hour raid just when your mother dropped by to visit, why did you level your character so far past me that we can’t group anymore, and who is that guildie who is sending you an awful lot of /tells that you refuse to discuss with me?”

    True enough, Mythago, but it is typically much easier to discuss game mechanics, logisitics and scheduling with another gamer. They are much more understanding than a non-gamer who sees a fully involved MMO in the same light as a quick game of blackjack.

    I can’t speak for others on the items you mentioned, but I can speak for myself and a little bit for other couples we group with in WoW. I’ll call this “Phaltran’s Guide to Marriage for Gamers.” 🙂

    Best computer? Easy enough if you have the budget. We alternate upgrades every other or every third year. There is no PC swapping. My wife has her computer, I have mine and the kids have theirs. Currently my wife’s is the best because we just replaced it this February. Upgraded mine last February and it’s still plenty fast. There’s a barely noticeable difference between the two. Best option: buy both of you a new computer at the same time once every two or three years. Get identical setups if you’re playing the same games.

    Real life? That’s a no-brainer. BOTH. If someone is not pulling their weight with work, housework, dinner, trash, chores, kids, etc. it becomes noticeable and a major contention point. I work; my wife is a homemaker. She cooks, I grill or we go out to eat. She washes clothes and mops the floors; I load/empty the dishwasher, empty the trash and do minor repairs. Since we have two girls who are at the “Daddy doesn’t belong in the bathroom or bedroom if clothes are off” age, I’m excused from many tasks there. I try to help with more, but my wife is a perfectionist on some things and would rather do it herself. We seem to be well-balanced overall.

    Raid vs. visitors? Parents/in-laws only show up on planned visits (thank God) and we don’t have any friends that visit our house (we meet at events and pubs). That said, it wouldn’t be a problem with the spouse for interrupting/delaying a raid, but a problem with the visitor. I’d be shooing them out of the house before invites. More likely I plan ahead well, so I’d make sure I don’t have overlapping events.

    Character leveling? This has been a contention in the past, but not now. I played more at first, so I had the first 60. My wife was in and out of jobs for a time, so it didn’t surprise me when I had two 60s and she had five. We started shaman together when BC came out, so it looked like we’d play those together. She’s off work again, so while I have two 70s, she has three and working on the fourth. Our shaman are still together, though. If it bothers one partner, they need to let the other know. Set a character or two aside that you will play together, but don’t expect the person that plays more to hang back and wait for you to catch up. It actually works to the slower leveler’s advantage because the higher level char can come back and help “paying back” some of that time they had to play solo.

    Non-discussed /tells. 😦 This has sadly been a real event in my life. At first it was just flirting that “warmed” my wife up, and I received the benefit. When it progressed to e-mails, exchanged photos and phone calls, I became paranoid and upset. When I snooped her e-mail to discover a proposed meeting, found her in the bed on the phone and she broached the subject of swinging with me… I blew up, multiple times. We fought for several months. We still disagree on some of our beliefs about marriage in general, but she stopped it, we’re still together and we still love each other… possibly more now than before. Tragic little tale that comes down to “pay attention to each other and meet each others’ needs or one of you will look elsewhere for fulfillment.” To be fair, in UO I was guilty of a sex chat situation, too. I confessed that to my wife while we fought over her incident.

    There is no magic formula for a good marriage. Like anything else, gaming can interfere with a marriage or it can be a joint hobby that gives you time together and provides discussion topics. Whatever the subject, communication is important mainly because when you start talking about something trivial (“I made 200g today in the AH.”) it can always lead to something more significant (“I feel like…”). Gamer or not, all couples need to be at those intimate levels of communication.

    I still think my wife would enjoy a pair of elf ears, though. hehe

  36. mythago said,

    April 20, 2008 at 10:18 pm

    True enough, Mythago, but it is typically much easier to discuss game mechanics, logisitics and scheduling with another gamer.

    Sure. Just noting that there seems to be a myth of “if only she was a gamer” that I’ve heard plenty online, and that is being expressed in this thread as well. If you’re both cooperative, fair and considerate of each other’s needs, it’ll work out even if one of you can’t stand MMORPGs. If one of you is a lazy slob or a jealous control freak or always needs to be “better” than the other, differences in hobbies is just going to be one more way that’s all expressed.

  37. Tilo said,

    April 22, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    As a female gamer who has never dated an MMO player, it’s always been them haranguing me to get off the computer. Needless to say, I got rid of them. It’s never about the game! It’s about their selfish insecurities! Never about the game!

  38. Female Gamer said,

    May 16, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    I’ve been trying for nine years out of the fifteen we’ve been married, but I still haven’t made a gamer out of my husband. He just doesn’t see where the fun is. I’m beginning to suspect he’s just not wired up for it. What is fun to me is stressful to him — especially PvP, where someone might randomly show up and start trying to kill you. We make accommodations for each other. I make sure I don’t vanish into my games so we have plenty of time together, as well as for our separate interests, and it works. It’s a bit rocky sometimes, but we deal with it. I’ll have to admit, it’s nice to have someone to deliver dinner (cut up so it can be eaten with one hand, of course!) to the computer on raid nights — the more so because he’s a better cook than I am!

  39. Lilytoes said,

    May 21, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    For the record – I will never ever go to a con dressed as anything other than myself. Unless… I can fulfill an expensive dream and go as a Fremen – realistic stillsuit and blue on blue contact lenses. Hope that’s not been tainted by any whorishness /knocks on wood

    I am a female gamer and I’ve dated other gamers. I think the issue I’ve faced with my SOs has been spending too much time in our virtual world. We’ve skipped many occasions of doing non-gamer dating stuff: movies, dinner out, and parties. Too much of one thing is bad for a relationship even if both partners are involved. Fresh air and sunshine are good for relationships. 😀

  40. joe said,

    June 22, 2008 at 7:21 am

    REDUCIVE is not a word you dumbass!

  41. joe said,

    June 22, 2008 at 7:22 am

    And REDUCTIVE while it may be a word is still pedantic and lame.

  42. Osama said,

    August 12, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    I love gaming, but people seriously need to make sure their families come first.

  43. Belkiolle said,

    September 23, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    My wife and I both game but I’ve still used the “my wife’s standing here in next to nothing. I’m out” excuse and it’s always been a no regret needed log out. If you can’t seperate between real life situations and game situations then you need to take a step back from gaming for a bit. The claim that there are 39 other people depending on you and your wife is taking you away from them is damn retarded. There are people out there to fill your spot in that raid. If you don’t take care of her then your wife is going to find someone else to fill her spot if you get my drift. I’ll happily log out anytime. The fact that anyone could place equal status on a raid in WoW and a business meeting scares the living hell out of me. Hopefully I won’t be around to see the world created by such attitudes.

    Phaltran’s computer upgrade strategy is pretty well what we employ as well but it doesn’t really matter because my wife doesn’t care about what her computer has in it as long as her games are playable at 40+ FPS. I’m the one who compulsively “has to have” cutting edge gear and she’s understanding of that. She more than makes up for it on other things she buys believe me.

    I disagree with the assertion that gaming is the only hobby that requires brain function too. I’d hate to think what would happen to me if I turned off my brain while routing a project in the wood shop or just decided not to think about what I was doing when restoring a car. Even watching sports (and I love watching baseball) for me is a very active. I’m always running through pitch counts, pitch selection, proper plays, etc. in my head. Even though the last time I caught a game was in high school about 10 years ago I still view every game through a catcher’s eyes and that’s not inactive. There’s always second guessing manager’s decisions and working strategies around in your head as well.

  44. anna said,

    September 25, 2008 at 6:46 am

    My boyfriend introduced me to WoW but he never plays anymore–only DoTA. All the time. WoW is not nearly as fun anymore, I cannot play DoTA although I’ve tried. What should I do?
    Incidentally I found this article while searching for elf ears for my night elf halloween costume. Is that a bad sign?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: